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Sometimes i can’t sleep at night. Theres an emptiness there. From when you’d keep me up past 2 am because you cared. But your still keeping me up. your voice is keeping me up. your smells are keeping me up. how do i forget. how do i move on. how do i let you move on. the idea of you keeping someone else up, hurts. i hope i am still keeping you up.
I hope they ask about me & I hope you tell them you fucked up.
lets do it again
please call me and tell me you need me and miss me. i love you so much.
Saying good bye when your not ready to is probably the hardest thing to do. saying good bye when you don’t want to is a pill that doesn’t fit for your throat. Saying good bye is like a thirst you can’t quench or scratch you can’t itch. letting go is even worse, how do you stop loving someone. how do you forget everything. how do you move on. how do you learn to let go. I’m broken I’m very broken and the one person who can fix me is the one that dropped me and let me shatter. and walked away while i was left to sweep my pieces up. i can’t get angry at you no matter how hard i try. i stand and scream as loud as i could but out hurt not anger. i screamed so loud that i hope God heard me and would see I’m sad and see how much i love you and maybe change your mind. he would fill your days with reminders of me. he would make us cross paths but only you could see me as i walked away or my face buried in a book in a coffee shop window. and in that beautiful mind you would question “what is she reading" and "where is she going” and not being able to ask me would eat you alive. That every time you would start your car and turn on your radio my favorite song would be playing. that everyday something makes you think of me. that you will look around at the world and see me and then. it will hit you. you will stand there and say “i love her, what did i do.”
i wonder if you will think of me. i will always wonder. because i will think of you. you told me you are still in love with me. but i don’t believe you because if you did this would all go away. you would wake up in the middle of the night and get into your car and sit in front of my home and call me till i wake up form a slumber that was caused by tears over you. and you would tell me to come out side. and under a yellow street light we will stair at each other, groggy form sleep, and kiss. you will wipe my tears away and ask me to forgive. and i will. and we will stand there and say nothing just listen to the freeway and the crickets as we stand there and hold each other at 4 in the morning. you will tell me how beautiful i am with my tangled hair and puffy eyes. ill laugh and say “shut up” and you will just smile. and i will feel complete. but this is thoughts behind a screen. words people will never read. YOU will never read this. you will never go looking. you will most likely not notice me in that window and as soon as i walk out of that room you will walk in it. so close but not close enough. You will never wake up from that sleep nor get in your car nor call me till i wake up. these will be all of my dreams. all of my wants, and I’m learning you can’t always get what you want. when all i want is you. your a flavor i will always savor but never taste again. your voice is my favorite song. a noise i will replay in my head as i close my eye and replay over and over until i drift off to sleep when i will dream of what i have lost.
tomorrow i will wake up and be sad. i will look up at the empty spaces on my walls where photos of memories hung. where i happiness was documented and mounted with pride. i will wake up and fix my hair how you like it and with each stroke of my mascara i will think of your eyes. i will get into my car and think of all the times we loved in there. will sip my coffee alone now. and i will have no one to share my books with. and while I’m feeling alone. surrounded by on one, you will be laughing with your friends, you will remain happy. you will not cry nor sip your coffee alone. thoughts of me won’t cloud your eyes nor hurt your tattooed chest. you will forget. I’m no longer your human. i am no longer you mon cherri. i wish knew what happened. i wish i knew why are amazing love died for you. but i will always carry this around.
i love you and saying good bye is aways hardest thing to do